* NA NA NA NA NA NA-NA NA-NA *
* YOU'RE A REAL FINE LADY *
* BUT YOUR WALK'S A LITTLE SHADY *
* STEP ON THE STRIP ON TIME *
Christian: NEED A RIDE?
Woman: I DON'T RIDE FOR FREE,
HONEY...
BUT MAYBE I'LL MAKE AN EXCEPTION
FOR A PRETTY BOY LIKE YOU.
* OH, START TO GO ON WITH YOUR BAD SELF *
Woman: OW! OW!
GOD...THIS CAR.
Christian: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
A HOOKER WOULDN'T SAY THAT.
Woman: I'M A MODEL.
I'M NOT AN ACTRESS.
THIS IS TOTALLY UNCOMFORTABLE.
Christian: EVERYTHING IS A DRAMA
WITH YOU.
I'M TRYING TO MAKE THIS
RELATIONSHIP WORK.
Woman: AND I'M NOT?
I'M THE ONE WITH CANDLE WAX
BURNS ON HER ASS.
I'M THE ONE STANDING OUT
ON THE STREET CORNER
WITH HER TITS HANGING OUT.
I BUST MY BUTT TO FULFILL EVERY
SEXUAL DESIRE YOU HAVE.
I WANT A LITTLE GODDAMN
APPRECIATION.
Christian: GET IN.
* AHH *
* MAKE ME BEAUTIFUL *
* MAKE ME
A PERFECT SOUL,
A PERFECT MIND,
A PERFECT FACE,
A PERFECT LIFE *
Christian: MR. MANTEGNA, TELL ME
WHAT YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT
YOURSELF.
Mr. Mantegna: THAT WOULD BE
MY TITS.
I WORK OUT 6 TIMES A WEEK.
I HIT MY PECS TWICE.
RUNNING, SWIMMING, YOGA.
I DO THE ZONE DELIVERY THING,
BUT I STILL CAN'T SEEM TO SHAKE
THESE HAIRY MOUTHFULS.
Christian: THE GYNECOMASTIA
PROCEDURE YOU NEED TO FIX THOSE
IS EXTREMELY PAINFUL.
YOU'D HAVE TO WEAR A BRA-LIKE
APPARATUS FOR 6 TO 8 WEEKS.
Mr. Mantegna: WHAT'S 6 WEEKS
AFTER A LIFETIME OF TITTY JOKES
AND REJECTION?
Christian: ARE YOU DOING THIS
BECAUSE YOU WERE REJECTED BY A
WOMAN?
Mr. Mantegna: ONE WOMAN? NO.
TRY 30...IN ONE NIGHT.
THIS ISN'T ABOUT A PARTICULAR
WOMAN, DR. TROY.
THIS IS ABOUT MY LIFESTYLE.
I'M A SWINGER.
PROBLEM IS, SWINGING IS LIKE
ANYTHING ELSE IN LIFE--
IT'S A CLASS SYSTEM...
AND I'M LOOKING TO MOVE UP.
YOU KNOW, GET INVOLVED WITH A
HIGHER CLASS OF PEOPLE.
I'M SICK OF BANGING FAT GERMAN
CHICKS IN FRONT OF THEIR PASTY
HUSBANDS.
Christian: WE'VE ALL BEEN THERE.
Mr. Mantegna: HAVE YOU EVER
HEARD OF THE SCENE?
Christian: THE SCENE...
Mr. Mantegna: OH, IT'S THE
GREATEST SWINGERS PARTY OF ALL
TIME.
WE'RE TALKING SUPERMODELS,
ACTORS, FLAWLESS TALENT.
THEY STARTED THROWING IT TWICE
A MONTH IN L.A. LAST YEAR,
AND IT WAS SO POPULAR THAT NOW
THEY'RE STARTING ONE UP IN
MIAMI.
DR. TROY, I HAVE TO GET IN.
IT'S AN EVENT.
THE PROBLEM IS THAT YOU HAVE TO
SUBMIT A FULL BODY SHOT TO THE
GOVERNING COMMITTEE TO GET AN
INVITE, AND MINE GOT BOUNCED
FOR UNDISCLOSED REASONS.
I BET A GUY LIKE YOU WOULD HAVE
NO TROUBLE GETTING IN.
Christian: CHEER UP,
MR. MANTEGNA.
WHEN WE'RE DONE WITH YOU, THE
ONLY TITS YOU'LL BE FEELING UP
ARE GONNA BELONG TO HOOTERS
GIRLS.
Jude, English accent:
I'M NOT BOTHERING WITH THE
HARVARD APPLICATION.
WHO NEEDS THOSE NEW ENGLAND
WINTERS WHEN THE UNIVERSITY OF
MIAMI PROVIDES YEAR-ROUND THONG
BIKINIS JUST MINUTES FROM THE
CAMPUS?
Julia: I THINK I MISSED THAT
SECTION OF THE BROCHURE.
GOD, THIS PLACE IS BEAUTIFUL.
HOW CAN YOU AFFORD IT ON A
PERSONAL TRAINER'S SALARY?
Jude: YOU'RE KIDDING ME, RIGHT?
I MAKE 200 BUCKS AN HOUR
FROM SOME OF MY CLIENTS.
VOILA!
AND NOW, LE TOUCHE FINAL.
Julia: MMM.
Jude: YOU LIKE?
Julia: MM-HMM.
Jude: GOOD, BECAUSE THERE'S
SOMETHING I WANTED TO ASK YOU,
AND IT'S SORT OF A BIG DEAL
FOR ME, BUT I'LL TOTALLY
UNDERSTAND IF YOU SAID NO.
YOU KNOW THOSE MOMENTS IN LIFE
WHERE EVERYTHING JUST OPENS UP--
TOTAL CLARITY?
WELL, I HAD ONE OF THOSE MOMENTS
LAST TIME WE WERE TOGETHER
AT YOUR HOUSE.
I LOOKED AT YOU, LOOKED AT YOUR
LIFE...AND REALIZED SOMETHING.
I WANT TO BE A PLASTIC SURGEON.
[JULIA EXHALES SHARPLY]
BUT I CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT YOU.
MIAMI HAS A SPECIAL PROGRAM THAT
FAST-TRACKS YOU INTO A PLASTIC
SURGERY RESIDENCY AS SOON AS YOU
COME OUT OF SCHOOL,
BUT THE CATCH IS, THEY NEED A
YEAR-LONG INTERNSHIP WITH A
SURGEON IN ORDER TO GET IN.
Julia: YOU WANT TO WORK WITH MY
HUSBAND?
Jude: WOULD THAT BE A PROBLEM
FOR YOU?
Julia: UH, NO. NO, NOT AT ALL.
[CLEARS THROAT]
I CAN ASK.
UH, SEAN CAN BE A LITTLE FUNNY
ABOUT THE BUSINESS, BUT, UM, SO,
I CAN'T GUARANTEE ANYTHING.
Jude: OF COURSE YOU CAN.
WHO COULD SAY NO TO YOU?
I FORGOT SOMETHING.
THE WHIPPED CREAM.
[JUDE WHISKING CREAM]
Jude: YOU LIKE?
Julia, high voice: OH...YEAH.
THEY'RE LOVELY.
UM, SO, ARE--ARE YOU GONNA DO
SOME MODELING?
UH, GOD KNOWS YOU'RE
GOOD-LOOKING ENOUGH.
Jude: THANK YOU, BUT...
NO, THEY'RE--
THEY'RE FOR SOMETHING ELSE.
Linda: YEAH?
Sean: LINDA, CAN YOU VOID THE
BILLING ON THIS CASE?
Linda: MEGAN O'HARA--
WHICH ONE'S SHE?
Sean: SHE BACKED OUT OF A BREAST
RECONSTRUCTION A FEW WEEKS AGO.
Linda: POLICY SAYS I STILL HAVE
TO BILL HER FOR PRE-OP AND LAB
WORK ANYWAY.
Sean: I KNOW WHAT POLICY IS.
I WROTE THE POLICY.
JUST DO IT.
Julia: WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?
Sean: IS EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT?
Julia: YEAH, EVERYTHING'S FINE.
I WAS JUST DRIVING BY RASCAL'S,
AND I KNOW HOW YOU'VE BEEN
JONESING FOR A REUBEN FOR WEEKS.
Sean: ARE YOU SURE THAT'S A
REUBEN?
SMELLS MORE LIKE A BRIBE TO ME.
Julia: CAN'T A WOMAN JUST DO
SOMETHING NICE FOR HER HUSBAND?
Sean: A WOMAN CAN DEFINITELY DO
SOMETHING NICE FOR HER HUSBAND.
YOU DRIVING 20 MINUTES OUT OF
YOUR WAY TO BRING ME LUNCH
SOUNDS MORE LIKE A WOMAN WHO
WANTS HER HUSBAND TO DO
SOMETHING NICE FOR HER.
Julia: ALL RIGHT...
I NEED A FAVOR.
Sean: UH-HUH.
Julia: I WANT YOU TO TAKE MY
FRIEND JUDE ON AS AN INTERN.
I KNOW YOU'RE NOT FOND OF HIM.
Sean: I NEVER SAID I WASN'T FOND
OF HIM.
I'M JUST GONNA HAVE TO ASK
CHRISTIAN BEFORE WE TAKE ANYONE
ON.
Julia: WOULD YOU?
I MEAN, ALL YOU HAVE TO LET HIM
DO IS MAKE LUNCH RUNS,
CLEAN THE O.R.
Sean: ACTUALLY, I'VE ALWAYS
WANTED TO MENTOR SOMEONE.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
* BEAUTIFUL CRAZY *
Woman: HELLO, DR. TROY.
CAN I TAKE YOUR TEMPERATURE?
WHAT?
I THOUGHT YOU'D LIKE IT.
Christian: I DO.
Woman: YOU DON'T.
I SPENT $400 ON THIS.
I'M JUST TRYING TO DO WHAT YOU
WANTED AND SPICE THINGS UP.
Christian: HERE'S THE DILEMMA--
YOU THINK A JOCKEY WANTS TO COME
HOME AND SEE HIS GIRLFRIEND
DRESSED LIKE A HORSE?
I'M AROUND NURSES ALL DAY,
SWEETHEART.
IF I WANTED TO SCREW ONE OF
THEM, I WOULD HAVE BY NOW.
YOU WANT TO SPICE THINGS UP?
Woman: WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?
Christian: WE'RE GONNA DO WHAT
YOU DO BEST, SWEETHEART.
WE'RE GONNA TAKE SOME PICTURES.
[BOTH GIGGLE]
* BEAUTIFUL CRAZY *
Christian: REALLY SEXY.
Woman: WHAT'S MY MOTIVATION
IN THESE?
Christian: TO GET US LAID.
Woman: HMM.
Christian: YOU EVER HEAR OF
SOMETHING CALLED "THE SCENE"?
Woman: THE SEX PARTY.
ONE OF THE GIRLS AT THE TAMPAX
SHOOT WAS TALKING ABOUT IT.
BUT DON'T WE HAVE TO SLEEP
WITH OTHER PEOPLE TO GO TO
SOMETHING LIKE THAT?
AREN'T I ENOUGH?
Christian: YOU'RE PLENTY, BABY.
I'M JUST LOOKING TO PUT SOME
FROSTING ON OUR CAKE.
WE DON'T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING WE
DON'T WANT TO DO.
[RAP MUSIC PLAYING]
* I BE GETTIN' THAT ASS,
AND I BE GETTIN' IT FAST,
GET THE OXYGEN MASK 'CAUSE
WE ABOUT TO GET HIGH *
Matt: OH!
WHAT THE HELL?!
Julia: WHAT THE HELL--
* GET THE FREAK ON,
GET THE BEAT ON,
GET THE PLACE SIZZLIN' LIKE
LIKE SOMEBODY GOT THE HEAT ON,
GET GONE AFTER GETTIN' IT ON *
Matt: MOM, THIS ISN'T A BIG
DEAL.
Julia: HAVING 3-WAY SEX IN MY
HOUSE IS A VERY BIG DEAL, MATT.
Matt: YOU GUYS ARE LUCKY THAT
THAT WAS ALL I WAS DOING.
I KNOW KIDS HOOKED ON CRANK,
KIDS WHO ARE PLOTTING TO BLOW UP
THE SCHOOL.
Julia: CONGRATULATIONS.
YOU WIN THE AWARD FOR
LEAST-SCREWED-UP TEENAGER.
Matt: YOU GUYS ARE SENDING ME
MIXED MESSAGES!
I MEAN, HOW CAN DAD GIVE ME A
CONDOM, AND THEN EXPECT ME NOT
TO HAVE SEX IN MY OWN ROOM?
Julia: WAIT--
YOU GAVE HIM A CONDOM?
Sean: I JUST WANTED HIM TO BE
SAFE.
Julia: AND YOU DIDN'T DISCUSS IT
WITH ME?
Sean: I DIDN'T THINK WE HAD TO
DISCUSS EVERY CONVERSATION I
HAVE WITH MY OWN SON.
Julia: WHEN IT COMES TO HIS SEX
LIFE YOU DO.
Matt: YEAH, AND YOU WONDER WHY
I'M HAVING THREESOMES WHEN YOU
TWO ARE SUCH A FINE EXAMPLE OF
TRADITIONAL COUPLING.
Julia: GO TO YOUR ROOM.
AND DON'T SLAM THE DOOR.
WELL...NOW I SEE HOW YOU CAN BE
SO NONCHALANT ABOUT THIS.
YOU'VE BEEN ENCOURAGING IT.
Sean: ALL I'VE BEEN ENCOURAGING,
JULIA, IS A RELATIONSHIP WITH MY
SON.
[DOOR SLAMS]
HE'S JUST STARTED TO TRUST ME,
TO COMMUNICATE WITH ME.
I DON'T WANT TO THROW ALL THAT
AWAY OVER SOMETHING AS SMALL
AS THIS.
Julia: SMALL?!
A 16-YEAR-OLD HAVING A 3-WAY
IS ABOUT AS BIG AS IT GETS.
Sean: THIS IS THE PROBLEM.
YOU TELL ME YOU WANT ME TO BE A
MORE INVOLVED PARENT, AND THEN
JUDGE ME FOR THE CHOICES I MAKE.
Julia: NO ONE IS JUDGING YOU,
SEAN.
I JUST NEED YOU TO UNDERSTAND
THAT THE CHOICES AND THE
ATTITUDES THAT YOU HAVE ARE
GONNA HAVE REAL IMPLICATIONS
IN THE LIVES OF OUR KIDS.
Sean: WHAT--WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
Julia: I'M CALLING THOSE GIRLS'
PARENTS.
WE'RE ALL GONNA SIT DOWN, AND
WE'RE GONNA HAVE A CONVERSATION
ABOUT THIS.
Sean: A SEXUAL INTERVENTION?
[SCOFFS]
ALL THAT'S GONNA DO
IS HUMILIATE HIM!
Julia: YOU CAN'T JUST BE THE
GOOD GUY, SEAN, HANDING OUT
PROPHYLACTICS AND SLAPPING HIM
ON THE BACK FOR HIS CONQUESTS.
WELCOME TO THE WONDERFUL WORLD
OF PARENTING.
Sean: PART OF ME AGREES WITH
JULIA.
THE OTHER PART IS SAYING, "WAY
TO GO, MATT!"
Christian: WE ALL WANT MORE FOR
OUR CHILDREN THAN WE HAD.
Sean: HE NEVER MENTIONED
ANYTHING ABOUT THIS TO YOU,
DID HE?
Christian: NO. OF COURSE NOT.
[PAINED BREATH]
YOU ALL RIGHT?
Sean: YEAH.
MY NECK SEIZED UP THIS MORNING.
MUST HAVE SLEPT FUNNY.
Christian: 20 MILLIGRAMS OF
VICODIN AND A BLOW JOB WILL
CLEAR THAT RIGHT UP.
HEY, IF DRUG ABUSE ISN'T YOUR
THING, WHY DON'T YOU TRY A
CHIROPRACTOR?
WASN'T THAT PATIENT WE TREATED A
FEW WEEKS AGO A BACK CRACKER?
Sean: WHICH ONE?
Christian: SEXY GIRLS,
DOUBLE MASTECTOMY.
YOU AND SHE SEEMED TO REALLY
HIT IT OFF.
[PULSE POUNDING]
Sean: RIGHT.
I THINK I REMEMBER HER.
MAYBE I'LL TRY AND SEE HER
AFTER WORK.
Christian: HMM.
Sean: SHIT, I FORGOT.
JULIA WANTS TO HAVE SOME KIND OF
FAMILY MEETING WITH THOSE GIRLS'
PARENTS TONIGHT.
CAN YOU TAKE THE CONSULT
WITH SCHIRALDI THIS AFTERNOON?
Christian: MM-HMM.
Sean: GOD, I WISH I WAS SINGLE
SOMETIMES.
Christian: WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT
THEY SAY--
FOR EVERY BEAUTIFUL WOMAN,
THERE'S A GUY WHO'S TIRED OF
SCREWING HER.
Christian: 4 MILLIMETER CANNULA?
Sean: 3.
[SUCTION]
Sean: YOU HAVE ANY FEELINGS
ABOUT TAKING ON A COLLEGE
INTERN?
Christian: WHAT'S SHE LOOK LIKE?
Sean: HE IS A FRIEND OF JULIA'S
FROM SCHOOL.
JUDE SOMETHING.
I COULD USE THE POINTS.
SHE'S PISSED THAT I'M NOT
OUTRAGED ENOUGH ABOUT MATT'S
3-WAY.
Christian: ALL RIGHT WITH ME,
PARTNER.
I'D MUCH RATHER HAVE THE KID
HANGING AROUND HERE ALL DAY THAN
SITTING SHIRTLESS BY YOUR POOL,
FEEDING YOUR WIFE MARGARITAS.
Jude: HI, I'M JUDE.
Woman: VIVIAN SCHIRALDI.
Jude: YOU'RE NOT HERE TO GET
ANYTHING DONE, ARE YOU, VIVIAN,
'CAUSE YOU CERTAINLY ARE
THE AFTER PICTURE.
[VIVIAN CHUCKLES]
Vivian: I'M HERE TO HAVE
MY EYES LOOKED AT.
Jude: THIS ISN'T AN
OPTOMETRIST'S OFFICE.
[VIVIAN CHUCKLES]
Vivian: THE WRINKLES AROUND
MY EYES.
I'VE TRIED THE EXPENSIVE CREAMS.
NOTHING'S WORKING.
Jude: IT'S BARELY NOTICEABLE.
REALLY.
UNLESS YOU'RE UP CLOSE.
Vivian: IT'S MY POST-DIVORCE
GIFT TO MYSELF.
Jude: YEAH.
Vivian: WHAT?
Jude: YOU'RE A KNOCKOUT.
YOU REALLY ARE.
YOU REALLY DON'T NEED
ANYTHING DONE.
BUT SINCE YOU'RE GETTING YOUR
EYES DONE ANYWAY, I THINK YOUR
EARS ARE A LITTLE OFF BALANCE.
A MILLIMETER AT THE MOST.
BALANCE TAKES OFF YEARS.
Christian: MRS. SCHIRALDI...
I'M DR. TROY.
Vivian: HELLO.
Christian: IF YOU'LL JUST STEP
DOWN THE HALL, MY OFFICE IS THE
FIRST DOOR ON THE LEFT.
Jude: JUDE SAWYER.
DR. McNAMARA TOLD ME TO COME BY.
Christian: YOU WORKED HER PRETTY
GOOD.
GOT A THING FOR HOT MIDDLE-AGED
MOMS?
Jude: UH, ONLY IF THEY'VE GOT A
THING FOR ME.
Christian: YOU'RE HERE TO
INTERN, RIGHT?
Jude: UH-HUH. THAT WAS THE PLAN.
YES.
Christian: TAKE IT TO THE
BISCAYNE WASH ON 15th.
TALK TO A GUY NAMED ZOOK.
HAVE IT BACK BY 3:00,
AND NO EATING IN THE RIDE.
BY THE WAY...
YOU WERE OFF ABOUT
MRS. SCHIRALDI'S EARS...
BY 2 MILLIMETERS.
Sean: MY PARTNER ACTUALLY
BROUGHT YOUR NAME UP THIS
MORNING WHEN HE SAW MY NECK.
I'D TOTALLY FORGOTTEN YOU WERE
A CHIROPRACTOR.
Woman: WELL, YOU SHOULD THANK
HIM--YOU'RE ALL OUT OF WHACK.
SOMETHING NEW GOING ON AT HOME?
Sean: OH, LET'S SEE.
MY SON'S SEX LIFE BELONGS IN
A PENTHOUSE LETTER...
AND MY WIFE SEEMS TO HAVE TURNED
ON ME BECAUSE OF IT.
BESIDES THAT, THINGS--OW!
THAT'S NOT WHERE IT HURTS.
Woman: EVERYTHING'S CONNECTED.
YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT, DOCTOR.
INJURIES AND TENSION AREN'T
CAUSED BY EXTERNAL EVENTS.
THEY'RE CAUSED BY HOW WE REACT
TO THEM.
Sean: I'M REALLY TRYING TO BE
OPEN-MINDED AND FLEXIBLE.
Woman: BEING OPEN-MINDED ISN'T A
CURE-ALL, SEAN.
YOU CAN'T JUST EXAMINE THE
SITUATION, DECIDE WHAT THE
APPROPRIATE OPEN-MINDED RESPONSE
IS SUPPOSED TO BE, AND THEN
FOLLOW THROUGH.
ESPECIALLY IF THAT'S NOT WHAT
YOUR HEART IS TELLING YOU IS THE
RIGHT THING TO DO.
YOUR NECK ISN'T SPASMING BECAUSE
YOU'RE INFLEXIBLE.
YOUR NECK IS SPASMING BECAUSE
YOU'RE NOT BEING HONEST WITH WHO
YOU ARE.
Sean: ACCORDING TO EVERYONE
IN MY LIFE, WHO I AM IS
A RIGID PRICK.
Woman: DON'T JUDGE YOURSELF.
WHEN YOU WANT WATER, A ROCK IS
USELESS...
BUT IT'S THE BEST THING IN THE
WORLD WHEN YOU WANT TO KEEP
SOMETHING IMPORTANT FROM FLYING
AWAY.
Sean: I'M A ROCK.
Woman: NOW ROLL OVER AND I'LL
OPEN THAT NECK UP.
Sean: I, UM...
I JUST NEED A SECOND.
Woman: OH.
Sean: I SHOULD GO.
I'M REALLY SORRY.
Woman: SEAN, IT'S ALL RIGHT.
IT HAPPENS.
LOOK, IT WAS UNPROFESSIONAL OF
ME TO START WORKING ON YOU
WITHOUT TALKING ABOUT WHAT
HAPPENED BETWEEN US.
I'M GLAD IT HAPPENED.
I'M NOT UPSET ABOUT IT.
WE WERE BOTH FEELING LONELY,
AND FOR THAT MOMENT, COMING
TOGETHER MADE THAT FEELING GO
AWAY.
BUT NOW THAT MOMENT IS GONE.
IT HAS TO BE GONE.
Sean: GOOD. I'M GLAD.
I WAS WORRIED YOU THOUGHT IT WAS
MORE THAN IT WAS.
CAN I SEE YOU AGAIN...
ON A PROFESSIONAL BASIS?
Woman: PLEASE.
THAT SWELLING ISN'T GOING AWAY
ON ITS OWN.
[BOTH LAUGH NERVOUSLY]
Sean: YEAH.
Woman: LOOK, TRY TO BE HONEST
WITH YOUR FEELINGS UNTIL THEN...
NO MATTER WHAT THEY ARE.
Sean: WOULD NOW BE
THE APPROPRIATE TIME TO
BREAK OUT THE CYANIDE KOOL-AID?
Julia: I REALLY NEED YOUR
SUPPORT TONIGHT, SEAN.
Sean: YOU'VE GOT IT.
Man: CAN WE START THIS THING
NOW?
Julia: OK, EVERYBODY.
WELL, WE ALL KNOW WHY WE'RE
HERE.
SOMETHING A LITTLE DISTURBING
HAS HAPPENED, AND I THINK WE
SHOULD ALL TALK ABOUT IT SO THAT
WE KNOW IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN.
AGREED?
Sean: THIS IS GONNA HAVE TO BE
A FRANK CONVERSATION.
WE HAVE TO REMEMBER THAT WE'RE
ALL ADULTS.
WE'VE ALL HAD SEX.
OTHERWISE, NONE OF YOU KIDS
WOULD BE HERE.
WE JUST NEED TO REMEMBER TO BE
HONEST WITH OUR FEELINGS,
NO MATTER WHAT THEY ARE.
Matt: WELL, WHAT'S THE POINT IN
TALKING WHEN MOM'S ALREADY
DECIDED THAT WHAT WE WERE DOING
IS WRONG?
Julia: IT WAS WRONG, MATT.
IT HAD SERIOUS CONSEQUENCES
THAT I DON'T THINK YOU'VE EVEN
CONSIDERED.
PREGNANCY, DISEASE,
HURT FEELINGS.
YOU KNOW, YOU KIDS, YOU THINK
YOU'RE ALL GROWN UP, BUT YOU'RE
NOT.
Woman: I DON'T SEE WHAT THE BIG
DEAL IS.
I READ THIS THING IN PEOPLE
ABOUT 12-YEAR-OLDS GIVING
BLOW-JOBS TO THEIR SECRET
SANTAS.
THIS STUFF IS JUST KIDS BEING
KIDS NOWADAYS.
Julia: I'M SORRY, ALEXI.
STEALING A 6-PACK IS KIDS BEING
KIDS.
THIS IS MUCH MORE THAN THAT.
Sean: HOLD ON A MINUTE, JULIA.
THERE WAS A DOCUMENTARY RECENTLY
WHERE A MAN NAMED MARILYN MANSON
SAID THAT IF HE COULD SAY
ANYTHING TO THE KIDS OF AMERICA,
HE WOULDN'T SAY A WORD.
HE'D LISTEN.
MATT, WE OBVIOUSLY DON'T
UNDERSTAND WHY YOU KIDS DID
THIS.
WHY DON'T YOU TRY TO EXPLAIN IT
TO US?
Julia: I DON'T WANT
AN EXPLANATION.
I WANT HIM TO PROMISE THAT IT
WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN.
Sean: AN EMPTY PROMISE ISN'T
GONNA GET TO THE SOURCE OF THE
PROBLEM, IF THERE IS A PROBLEM
AT ALL.
Matt: HOW CAN YOU EVEN LOOK AT
YOURSELVES IN THE MIRROR AND
CALL WHAT WE WERE DOING
A PROBLEM?
DAD SPENDS ONE WEEK AT HOME,
THE NEXT IN A MOTEL.
MOM SPENDS ALL OF HER TIME WITH
SOME GUY WHO'S BARELY OLDER THAN
ME.
WE WERE HAVING SEX, JUST LIKE
EVERY OTHER TEENAGER IN THE
WORLD...
WITH A CONDOM THAT DAD GAVE ME,
SO--
Man: WELL! LOOKS LIKE WE FOUND
THE SOURCE OF THE PROBLEM.
Julia: EXCUSE ME, BUT ARE YOU
BLAMING US FOR THIS?
Woman: I'M SORRY, BUT WHOSE
HOUSE DID THIS HAPPEN IN?
OURS, LEXI'S, OR THIS OPIUM DEN?
Girl: THAT'S ONLY BECAUSE
MY MOM'S UNEMPLOYED AND YOU GUYS
TOOK ALL THE LOCKS OFF VANESSA'S
DOORS.
Alexi: TRUST ME, HONEY.
BEING ON ALIMONY IS NOT BEING
UNEMPLOYED.
Sean: WHOA! PLACING BLAME ISN'T
GONNA GET US ANYWHERE.
JULIA IS A GOOD PARENT.
WE'RE ALL GOOD PARENTS.
Man: GOOD PARENTS TEACH THEIR
SON HOW TO KEEP HIS DICK IN HIS
PANTS AND TO BE SMART ENOUGH
NOT TO TRY TO CUT IT OFF.
Girl: DADDY!
Sean: ROBERT, YOU ARE OUT OF
LINE.
Robert: FINE. I'M SORRY.
BUT TO BE HONEST, I DON'T CARE
WHOSE FAULT THIS IS.
I WOULD JUST RATHER NOT KNOW
ANY MORE ABOUT MY DAUGHTER'S
SEX LIFE THAN I ALREADY DO.
SHE'S ASSURED US THAT THIS WAS
A ONE-TIME THING, AND WE'RE
SATISFIED WITH THAT.
Julia: IS THIS TRUE, MATT?
WAS IT A ONE-TIME THING?
Matt: YEAH. PRETTY MUCH.
Sean: RIDLEY, IS THIS YOUR
STORY AS WELL?
IT'S OK, HONEY.
YOU CAN BE HONEST HERE.
NO ONE'S GONNA GET UPSET.
Ridley: WE'VE DONE IT BEFORE.
I'M SORRY, VANESSA. I TRIED.
WHAT DR. McNAMARA SAID IS TRUE.
I HAVE TO BE HONEST WITH MY
FEELINGS NO MATTER WHAT THEY
ARE.
I'M NOT LIKE YOU.
I'M NOT A LEZZIE.
Woman: WHAT'S A LEZZIE?
Alexi: YOUR DAUGHTER LIKES
VAGINA.
Ridley: I REALLY LIKE YOU,
VANESSA.
I THINK YOU'RE COOL AND PRETTY
AND SEXY AND ALL, BUT I'M IN
LOVE WITH MATT NOW.
WE'VE BEEN SEEING EACH OTHER.
Vanessa: THAT'S NOT TRUE.
DENY IT, MATT.
Vanessa: BUT I LOVE YOU.
Woman: I'VE HAD ENOUGH.
COME ON.
Robert: OPEN AND HONEST ENOUGH
FOR YOU?
Julia: HONESTLY, AM I BEING TOO
UPTIGHT ABOUT THIS?
Jude: FOR MY TASTES, YES.
BUT I'VE ALWAYS FOUND THREESOMES
TO BE VERY SATISFYING.
Julia: YOU'VE HAD ONE?
JESUS! IS THERE ANYONE UNDER 30
WHO STILL BELIEVES IN MONOGAMY?
Jude: OH, THERE'S A BIG
DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MONOGAMY AND
FIDELITY, JULES.
JUST LOOK AT IT FROM MATT'S
PERSPECTIVE.
EVERY GUY WANTS A SHOVE AT
2 GIRLS AT ONCE.
YOU TELL ME YOU'VE NEVER
FANTASIZED ABOUT BEING WITH
2 MEN AT THE SAME TIME?
Julia: WHAT ARE YOU GETTING ALL
DOLLED UP FOR, A HOT DATE?
Jude: YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW.
Julia: COME ON.
Jude: NO WAY. NOT AFTER HOW YOU
REACTED TO MATT'S LITTLE
MENAGE.
Julia: I'M NOT A PRUDE.
I JUST HOLD MY KIDS TO HIGHER
STANDARDS.
Jude: WELL, YOU KNOW THOSE--
THE PHOTOS YOU SAW THE OTHER
DAY.
Julia: REMIND ME AGAIN?
Jude: THE PROVOCATIVE ONES?
WELL, THEY WERE AUDITION SHOTS
FOR A PARTY.
Julia: WHAT KIND OF PARTY DO YOU
HAVE TO AUDITION FOR TO GET
INTO?
Jude: A SWINGERS PARTY.
ARE YOU STILL FEELING
OPEN-MINDED?
Julia: NO. I MEAN, YES!
I'M JUST SURPRISED.
YOU TAKE SUCH GOOD CARE OF YOUR
BODY.
AREN'T YOU WORRIED ABOUT
DISEASES?
Jude: WE USE PROTECTION.
Julia: YOU'RE STILL SLEEPING
WITH TOTAL STRANGERS.
THEY COULD BE PSYCHOPATHS.
Jude: I KNEW I SHOULDN'T HAVE
SAID ANYTHING.
I KNEW YOU'D GET ALL UPTIGHT.
Julia: NO. I'M NOT UPTIGHT.
I JUST DON'T GET THE ATTRACTION
OF THAT LIFESTYLE.
Jude: THEN COME WITH ME.
[JULIA LAUGHS]
Julia: YOU'RE JOKING.
I'M A MARRIED WOMAN.
Jude: YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO
ANYTHING.
JUST COME BY, CHECK IT OUT.
YOU'LL FIND THAT THAT LIFESTYLE
IS MUCH MORE ATTRACTIVE THAN
YOU THINK.
Julia: THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
HOW CAN I BE PART OF SOMETHING
LIKE THAT WHEN I'VE JUST
GROUNDED MY SON FOR DOING
SOMETHING HALF AS SORDID?
Jude: JULIA...
I'M NO PARENT,
BUT IF YOU REALLY WANT TO
UNDERSTAND WHAT'S GOING ON IN
MATT'S LIFE, YOU'VE GOT TO GET
INTO THE REAL WORLD.
THREESOMES, FOURSOMES,
MORESOMES, THEY'RE LIKE
STARBUCKS, THEY'RE EVERYWHERE.
JUST LOOK AT IT AS A FIELD TRIP
FOR MODERN PARENTING.
Christian: LET'S GET A DRINK.
Woman: LET'S GO.
Christian: WHAT'S THE MATTER
NOW?
Woman: WHAT IF SOMEBODY SEES US
HERE?
THAT NEUTROGENA CONTRACT I'M UP
FOR HAS A MORALITY CLAUSE,
YOU KNOW.
Christian: ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
LOOK AROUND. THERE HASN'T BEEN
A PARTY THIS HOT SINCE VERSACE'S
'96 NEW YEAR'S EVE BASH.
BEING SEEN HERE IS GONNA DO
NOTHING BUT HELP YOUR CAREER.
Woman: FIRST TIME?
THOUGHT SO. HI. I'M MIA.
I'M ONE OF THE HOST'S OF
TONIGHT'S PARTY.
Christian: THANK YOU.
Mia: LET ME SHOW YOU AROUND.
AS YOU CAN SEE, THIS ISN'T
A RAVE.
THERE'S NO AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR
ALLOWED.
THINK OF THE SCENE AS A SEXUAL
BUFFET WITH THE FINEST OF
GOURMET FOODS.
YOU CAN EAT ALL YOU WANT
OR YOU CAN NIBBLE.
THAT'S UP TO YOU.
FOR YOUR PROTECTION, EACH OF THE
ROOMS COMES COMPLETE WITH
AN ARRAY OF CONDOMS.
Woman: ROOMS?
Mia: PLEASURE CHAMBERS.
ORGY, VOYEUR, ROLE-PLAY,
GIRL-ON-GIRL.
ANY QUESTIONS, COME SEE ME.
ENJOY.
Christian: THANKS.
Woman: DO YOU THINK THESE GIRLS
ARE PRETTIER THAN ME?
Christian: YOU ARE THE HOTTEST
PIECE OF ASS IN THIS PLACE,
AND YOU'RE MINE.
IF I'M GONNA DO THIS ONE-WOMAN
THING, IT CAN'T BE WITH JUST
ONE WOMAN.
WHATEVER HAPPENS HERE, I'M WITH
YOU, AND YOU'RE WITH ME.
Woman: WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO
FIRST?
Woman: CAN SHE COME OUT AND
PLAY?
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Sean: HMM.
Matt: HEY, DAD.
Sean: HEY.
Matt: YOU GOT A MINUTE?
Sean: WHAT'S UP?
Matt: NOTHING ALARMING.
DON'T WORRY.
I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU,
I APPRECIATE WHAT YOU DID
AT THE INTERVENTION THING.
YOU HAD MY BACK.
Sean: YOU'RE MY SON, MATT.
I ALWAYS HAVE YOUR BACK...
EVEN WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE
I'M RIDING IT.
Matt: IS MOM COMING HOME
FOR DINNER?
Sean: SHE'S STUDYING WITH JUDE.
[SIGHS]
WANT TO GRAB A BITE?
Matt: I CAN'T.
I GOT A DATE WITH RIDLEY.
Sean: IS THAT THE KIND OF MAN
YOU'RE GONNA BE, MATT?
Matt: WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO
MEAN?
Sean: WHEN YOUR MOTHER GOT
PREGNANT WITH YOU, I DIDN'T
CARE IF YOU WERE A BOY OR A GIRL
AS LONG AS YOU WERE HEALTHY.
AFTER A FEW MONTHS, I DIDN'T
EVEN CARE IF YOU WERE HEALTHY
OR NOT.
YOU WERE MINE...AND I WAS GONNA
LOVE YOU NO MATTER WHAT.
I NEVER REALLY CARED IF YOU
EXCELLED IN SCHOOL OR ATHLETICS
OR WHAT YOU DECIDED TO DO WITH
YOUR LIFE.
THE ONLY THING I EVER WANTED FOR
YOU WAS THAT YOU BE A GOOD
PERSON, NOT SOMEONE WHO WOULD
HURT SOMEONE INTENTIONALLY.
Matt: I DIDN'T MEAN TO HURT HER,
DAD.
I DIDN'T.
Sean: VANESSA'S GAY, MATT.
IT'S NOT A CHOICE.
YOU DATING HER FRIEND IS.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Christian: JULIA. JULIA!
JULIA!
Vivian: DR. TROY.
OH, MY GOD.
THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING.
I TOLD YOU WE'D RUN INTO SOMEONE
I KNOW.
Jude: EVERYTHING OK, DR. TROY?
YOU LOOK A LITTLE FLUSH.
Christian: I'M FINE.
I JUST THOUGHT YOU WERE
SOMEONE ELSE.
Vivian: REALLY? WHO?
Jude: JULIA McNAMARA.
HIS PARTNER'S WIFE.
YOU LOOK A BIT LIKE HER,
ACTUALLY.
Christian: NO NEED TO BE
EMBARRASSED, MRS. SCHIRALDI.
MY LIPS ARE SEALED.
Vivian: IN THAT CASE,
WE'RE GONNA HIT THE VOYEUR ROOM.
WANT TO COME?
Christian: MAYBE LATER.
Vivian: OK.
Woman: WHERE'D YOU GO?
Christian: I NEEDED SOME AIR.
Woman: DID YOU SEE?
I DID EVERYTHING YOU ASKED ME
TO.
Christian: YOU WERE SEXY, BABY.
WANT TO GET OUT OF HERE?
Woman: I THINK WE'RE GONNA BE
OK.
Sean: SHE'S AT HIS PLACE
STUDYING ALMOST EVERY DAY.
NOW SHE'S STASHING PORNOGRAPHIC
PICTURES OF HIM IN HER SCHOOL
BOOKS?
SOMETHING'S GOING ON.
Christian: BURN IT AND STOP
WORRYING.
SHE'S NOT SLEEPING WITH HIM.
Sean: HOW CAN YOU BE SO SURE?
Christian: BECAUSE YOU AND
JULIA ARE BOTH TOO HONEST
TO CHEAT.
HE'S PROBABLY WORN OUT HIS
WELCOME HERE, THOUGH,
DON'T YOU THINK?
Sean: I CAN'T FIRE HIM.
SHE'D THINK I WAS DOING IT
BECAUSE I WAS JEALOUS.
Christian: AND SHE'D BE RIGHT.
I'LL TAKE THE BULLET FOR YOU
ON THIS ONE.
THE KID'S BAD NEWS.
HE REMINDS ME OF ME AT THAT AGE.
Linda: THE EXTRA
BLOOD WORK YOU ORDERED ON
CLIFF MANTEGNA.
YOU MIGHT WANT TO CHECK OUT
PAGE 2.
[CHRISTIAN SIGHS]
Mr. Mantegna: HEPATITIS C?
IS THAT LIKE AIDS?
Christian: IT'S A VIRUS.
YOU WERE PROBABLY INFECTED BY
ONE OF YOUR SEXUAL PARTNERS.
Mr. Mantegna: AM I GONNA DIE?
Christian: THE FATALITY RATE IS
VERY LOW, BUT THE CHANCES OF
CHRONIC INFECTION ARE HIGH.
YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO GET
TESTED PERIODICALLY FOR LIVER
DISEASE.
Mr. Mantegna: WHY DIDN'T YOU
TELL ME THIS, YOU KNOW, BEFORE
MY SURGERY?
Christian: WE USUALLY DON'T RUN
THE FULL STD PANEL ON OUR
PATIENTS.
THE LAW SAYS WE HAVE TO WORK ON
YOU NO MATTER WHAT YOU HAVE,
BUT CONSIDERING YOUR LIFESTYLE,
I THOUGHT AS A COURTESY,
I'D RUN IT THROUGH FREE OF
CHARGE.
I THOUGHT YOU COULD USE IT TO
GET INTO MORE PARTIES.
I WASN'T ANTICIPATING THIS.
YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO INFORM
YOUR FUTURE SEXUAL PARTNERS.
Mr. Mantegna: THAT I'M SICK?
WHAT SWINGERS GROUP IS GONNA
WANT ME AFTER THAT?
2 MONTHS IN THIS BRA.
ALL THAT MONEY.
THIS PAIN, AND FOR WHAT?
SO THAT I CAN TRY TO FIND
SOME GIRL WHO DOESN'T CARE THAT
I'M SICK, AND BE MONOGAMOUS?
I CAN'T DO THAT.
I CAN'T. I CAN'T JUST
GO BACK TO NORMAL LIFE.
WHAT AM I GONNA DO?
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
Jude: YOU WANTED TO SEE ME?
Christian: YEAH. COME IN.
Jude: SOME PARTY, HUH?
OUR MRS. SCHIRALDI,
SHE'S QUITE THE HELLCAT.
Christian: THIS IS A BUSINESS...
NOT A PICKUP JOINT.
Jude: YOU'RE RIGHT.
IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN.
Christian: THAT'S RIGHT.
IT WON'T, BECAUSE I WANT YOU
OUT OF HERE TODAY.
Jude: YOU'RE KIDDING ME, RIGHT?
Christian: AND TAKE SOME ADVICE.
BACK OFF JULIA AS WELL.
Jude: WHO ARE YOU, HER HUSBAND?
Christian: HER HUSBAND'S
BEST FRIEND AND PARTNER.
Jude: VERY WEIRD HOW UPSET YOU
WERE WHEN YOU THOUGHT
MRS. SCHIRALDI
WAS JULIA AT THE PARTY.
IT WAS AS IF I WAS THERE WITH
YOUR WIFE.
I'VE SEEN THE WAY SHE TALKS
ABOUT YOU.
IT COULD GIVE SOMEONE THE WRONG
IMPRESSION.
Christian: JUST A GUESS,
BUT I BET YOU WON'T BE FLASHING
THOSE PEARLY WHITES AFTER I MAKE
A FEW CALLS AND TELL MY PALS AT
THE UNIVERSITY OF MIAMI
THAT I FIRED YOU.
Jude: YOU MAKE THAT CALL,
DR. TROY, TO THE UNIVERSITY.
THAT WAY, IT'LL GIVE ME A LOT OF
FREE TIME TO HAVE A NICE LITTLE
LUNCH WITH YOUR PARTNER AND TELL
HIM THAT YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH
HIS WIFE.
Christian: DO IT. JUST MAKE SURE
YOUR INSURANCE IS PAID UP.
[CRACKING]
Woman: TRY MOVING IT NOW.
Sean: OH!
AMAZING.
Woman: YEAH. WE'RE NOT ALL
QUACKS, NO MATTER WHAT THE
A.M.A. SAYS.
Sean: MY PARTNER DIDN'T HAVE TO
REMIND ME THAT YOU'RE
A CHIROPRACTOR.
I'VE NEVER FORGOTTEN ANYTHING
ABOUT YOU.
Woman: SEAN, DON'T.
Sean: YOU SAID I SHOULD BE
HONEST WITH MY FEELINGS,
NO MATTER WHAT THEY ARE.
Woman: SOMETIMES PEOPLE CAN BE
TOO HONEST.
Sean: I CAN'T STOP THINKING
ABOUT YOU.
JUST TELL ME YOU DON'T FEEL THE
SAME WAY, AND YOU'LL NEVER SEE
ME AGAIN.
Woman: IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW
I FEEL.
YOU'RE MARRIED, AND I'M BARELY
DIVORCED, AND--
Sean: I THINK YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL.
Woman: WELL, THAT'S MY POINT.
THE WAY YOU LOOK AT ME--
I DON'T THINK I CAN LET MYSELF
BE THAT VULNERABLE WITH A MAN
THAT I CAN'T HAVE.
Sean: WHO SAYS YOU CAN'T HAVE
ME?
[PACED BREATHING]
[DOORBELL RINGS]
[CHRISTIAN EXHALES]
Julia: YOU ASSHOLE!
Christian: NICE TO SEE YOU,
TOO, JULES.
Julia: HOW COULD YOU FIRE MY
FRIEND WITHOUT TALKING TO ME
ABOUT IT FIRST?
THIS INTERNSHIP WAS VERY
IMPORTANT TO HIM!
Christian: IF IT WAS SO
IMPORTANT TO HIM, HE SHOULDN'T
HAVE TAKEN ONE OF OUR CLIENTS
TO A SWINGERS PARTY.
MAYBE YOU SHOULD RECONSIDER WHO
YOU DECIDE TO BE FRIENDS WITH.
HE COULD HAVE REALLY HURT
OUR BUSINESS.
Julia: BULLSHIT, CHRISTIAN.
THIS ISN'T ABOUT THE BUSINESS.
THIS IS ABOUT YOU AND ME.
YOU CAN'T STAND THE COMPETITION!
Christian: DON'T FLATTER
YOURSELF.
THIS IS ABOUT YOU PLAYING DEMI
MOORE WITH SOME 25-YEAR-OLD
PUNK KID WITH AN OVERACTIVE
LIBIDO.
Julia: THE ONE WITH THE
OVERACTIVE LIBIDO'S
A MIDDLE-AGED SURGEON.
Christian: I'M LOOKING AFTER
MY BEST FRIEND'S INTERESTS.
YOU'RE MY PARTNER'S WIFE.
HIS WELL-BEING IS INTIMATELY
TIED TO MINE.
Julia: YOU FIRED HIM
FOR REVENGE.
SOMEONE ELSE IS INTERESTED
IN ME, AND YOU CAN'T STAND IT.
Christian: PLEASE. I CAN HAVE
ANYTHING I WANT ANY TIME I WANT
IT.
Julia: YOU CAN'T HAVE ME.
Christian: CAN'T I?
FACE THE COLD, HARD FACTS,
JULIA.
YOU'RE STILL PINING AWAY FOR ME
LIKE YOU HAVE BEEN FOR YEARS.
YOUR BOY TOY IS ME.
Julia: 15 YEARS YOUNGER
THAN YOU.
Christian: POOR MAN'S VERSION
OF ME. HAVE YOU KISSED HIM YET?
Julia: YOU COULDN'T HANDLE IT
IF I DID.
WHEN YOU DID, WERE YOU THINKING
OF ME?
Julia: YOU KNOW WHAT I WAS JUST
THINKING ABOUT?
Christian: WHAT?
Julia: JUDE.
[CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL
CAPTIONING INSTITUTE
--www.ncicap.org--]
* MAKE ME...BEAUTIFUL *
* LIFE *